Bloody Hell

Okay, so first the good news. “Worthless Week” is over. I finally had energy today and it is nice. It’ll still be a few days before I can concentrate enough to prepare for next semester (and since I have chemo scheduled for the first week of class, I need to do lots of prep to get through the next Worthless Week), but I’m believing I’ll recover again. I was up to my regular routine during the Cancer Wellfit program tonight.

And I’m still doing well overall and the tumor is almost completely gone.

And I won’t see doctors for another week, and that visit will be good…we’re redoing the mammogram and ultrasound to see if the tumor really has shrunk as much as I think.

And, sleeping really is nice. It hasn’t been all that bad to sleep as much as I can and not really feel guilty. Hey, it’s Worthless Week.

And in keeping with Worthless Week, I caught up on most of Project Runway for last season and all of this season. Yes, I really do have very litte concentration, but I’ve decided Project Runway may be the best reality show. None of this silly coalition and teams and voting each other off. The results are what matter. So what if the results are corn husk dresses?

Yeah, not much deep thought during Worthless Week.

A reasonable person would be happy and end this post now. (Okay, a reasonable person wouldn’t have mentioned Project Runway…)

But I’ve finally had some signs that my body is reacting poorly to the chemo. Nothing big, just stupid little indignities. If I were a bigger person, I suppose I wouldn’t even mention them. But I know there are some readers who may be dealing with cancer personally, and I don’t want them to think this is some picnic for me and if they aren’t waltzing through like I am, they have a problem. I’m not quite waltzing. (Hmmm, polka dancing maybe?)

Yeah, there’s the digestive stuff. Who knows when my system is going to work or how? But I have some pretty cool drugs, so when it does start working too much, I can slow it down. (I tried over the counter for a week and went through almost a whole bottle of Imodium…the prescription is much better, but I can still take half a dozen a day.)

And then today I realized that platelets are good. I’d given platelets for (mostly) juvenille cancer patients every other week for over a year before my diagnosis. I think I was giving about half my platelets each time, but they’d regrow in less than 3 days, or so I was told. I figured my body was durn good at making platelets. But I woke up in the middle of the night last night to a runny nose. I did the reasonable thing…wiped it off, moved the cat, and went back to sleep.

In the morning, I learned it wasn’t a runny nose, but a bloody nose instead. I’d had a few bloody noses after the first chemo, but nothing big. This wasn’t too big either–I expected a scene out of The Godfather, but it really was minor…didn’t even soak through the pillowcase. Still, just the idea of bleeding in the middle of the night and not noticing…ugh.

But then, on the way to Cancer Wellfit, I scratched an old scab on my leg and the blood poured out like water. Of course, Charlie couldn’t find any bandages and I couldn’t move or risk puddles over the carpet. We did get it bandaged and it’s fine, but I miss my platelets.

But I have my eyebrows and eyelashes and enough hair so I may fool some people into thinking the hats are a fashion statement. So, all in all, life is good. Bloody good?


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